


Ordinary Life

by Saberhagen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 06:38:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14349990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saberhagen/pseuds/Saberhagen
Summary: The Imperial Agent struggles with where his 'ordinary' life is taking him.





	Ordinary Life

It was supposed to be just another mission, just another contact and just another ordinary day in the life of an Imperial Intelligence Operative. The usual madness, a comforting madness. One that comes with the job. Someone you’ve worked with for a while is killed in action? Pity, they were useful but, ah well, that comes with the job too. A disaster in the ranks of the Sith Empire? so what, they happen every week. Those things can be brushed off as easily as the layer of dust on my old Ascendancy uniform. Back in the days when life was simple, straightforward. This sort of thing is what I was born to deal with.

So why do I get the feeling I’m losing my mind? Feeling as if I’m no longer tethered to reality, no longer myself. But who is that? who am I really? My mind flashes back again to the first time I stepped into that cantina, over and over it replays, reminding me this is the start of something irreversible.

No. This has to stop. I can’t keep lying to myself that I’m unaffected, by what exactly? Nothing has happened, yet everything has changed. But I know damn well what, or who, is doing this to me. Him… just another code name, that’s all he should be to me. Just another jerk contact I have to deal with, one of many over the years.

Since that first meeting, as the days turned to weeks and those weeks into months, these thoughts have crept into me, so subtly, softly. A whisper in my ear beckoning me to come closer and closer into this web of uncertainty. How slowly it happened is what’s frightens me the most. That it would happen to me. Me of all people.

Memories of my meetings with him come rushing back in vivid fragments, as real as if I were there now, indoctrinating my thoughts at night as I lay awake. This isn’t going to go away.

It’s not been long since I touched down on Hoth for what should have been yet another ordinary mission. I took Vector with me as he never really talks much. This suited me fine, I needed time to think. Kothe said he’d be here. I held that thought as we glided over snow hills and even though the harsh breeze stung my eyes and burned my lungs, I reflected on the fact this frigid world didn’t feel so cold anymore. “No… what am I saying. Focus now, we have a job to do.”

After a few mundane tasks (including an attempt on my life by a disgruntled Admiral - nothing out of the ordinary) I begin to relax and think of how the crunch of the snow under my boots was oddly satisfying as we made our way to the next equipment cache.

That’s when it happened. The cheerful ringing of the holo communicator in my pocket made my stomach drop. I already knew who it was. I knew that no amount of time would prepare me for this exchange as I stood there in the snow with my former Diplomat, happily taking in the view to share with the Killik nest. For the first time I longed to be a joiner, at least I wouldn’t be alone with this terrible situation, better yet, there may not be a situation.

Deep breaths now. My head was spinning as he began to talk in that confident yet soothing voice. Too much information, I register small segments “Hope you weren’t getting lonely -” “- Have you found the Starbreeze yet?” I calmed myself by making small talk. A bad idea. “You didn’t answer my question” he purrs, mockingly, making my knees almost buckle and my cheeks start to flush. How does he have this affect on me? “Now I’m gonna have to force you…” A jolt in my stomach again. I should have seen it coming. “Are you brainwashing me?” I attempt to say to keep the conversation moving, but the wrong words come out, like there’s someone else sitting in my head stealing my voice and my power of speech. It’s the oddest feeling that I can’t explain, one I’ll never get used to. Satisfied with this newly acquired information, all he actually wanted I told myself, he instructed me to contact him later.

That’s it then. The holo faded away into the nothing, I gripped the edge tightly to stop my hand from shaking. It dawned on me how long I must have been standing there staring into the vast white. This world so peaceful and calm unlike the turbulence going on in my head. “We should… lets get moving” I stammered, barely audible.

Maybe this whole thing will blow over. We’ll complete the mission and Watcher Two will re-assign me to something that will help me clear my mind. Just another ordinary mission in the life of an Imperial Intelligence Operative.


End file.
